Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Dirty

Contained within this shell
I’m screaming for just one touch
Dear God, release me from this Hell
Did you even care as such?
A great Father to all men
This isn’t how I imagined it
It never was like back then
When the sky became black with shit
We all sat down with our minds lit

You left me feeling so empty
So alone and cold
But you’re the one who’s empty
You’re dead and not too bold
I can hear her crying
Inside she’s dying
Dying even as were lying
On green meadows breathing
Don’t die, don’t cry, please keep living

Listening to soulless screams
I see the faces of the paranoid
They’re all haunting my dreams
Nothing is going as planned
I once had faith
Just as all children do
But the darkness took away my faith
Just as all demons do
Today I looked in the mirror and asked who

The headless pigs follow the trail
Left long ago by a deadly master
The vase of my mind so frail
The Devil with a bat; the basher
The mirror reveals the bleeding scars
I feel like such a dirty whore
Penetrating my bruised flesh with more scars
Would you dare cut any more?
When you’ve bled ever more

My skull collapsed a long time ago
This trying tale will have no end
With time being my evilest foe
Blood and bones such a nasty blend
Of self righteous impurity
God could have given me a life!
Given all the scrutiny
I should have picked up a knife
And carved a pretty pumpkin of strife

Blessing my head with every sweaty drop
My mind wrecked with unholy baptism
God swept away the freshest crop
And left me with cruel realism
But where is reality to bleed?
With no veins to call its own
When it has every dying need
To deny the world of visions shown
Now your mind is blown

Help! Cried the Shepard
Lost his flock in a wicked way
Not enough sluts to keep you hard
Pop a concentrated pill and have a better day
But it’s not really real
It’s something badly bad
She just wanted to feel
What made me so sad
But with death behind me she’s glad

The anger swarms like a thousand flies
These bitches want to screw
Every hollow eye socket that cries
Jesus, he fucking knew
The lies inside each swarming fly
My skin cracked and fell apart
Why won’t you just let me die?
Couldn’t you just find the right part
I’ve got nothing left in my heart

Every rotting heart inside every rotting ex-lover
Just wash away the sorrow
With this disease in my mind I’m not sober
Take a seat and watch my horror
These angry demons calling my name
I know my life will never amount
To anything more than shame
I’ve fallen down; take the count
These burning ashes will only mount

And so God reached his hand down
Suggesting I wanted freedom
The light burned my eyes into a frown
Did I really want to be apart of his kingdom?
The pressure was mounting up
The pain was just too great
Beyond a shred of hope I had given up
And when Hell seemed to be my fate
I reached up not a second too late

But my life wasn’t among the angels of pure
My wings were too scarred and torn
The obsession of Heaven’s great allure
Drug me down to where sin was born
I knew not where this path was headed
I had grown weak from endless war
I watched as all my friends became beheaded
With a pride in darkness to soar
I found a new pain unlike anything before

Do you need me to go on?
The world was a dirty knife in the stitches
The cross burned from the Holy Son
In a fire surrounded by unholy witches
Like David and his stone
The giant Depression would soon crumble
An enemy without a single bone
Was God really so humble?
When my lips did tremble?

So dirty with ignorance
Dirty like a rusted spoon
With crying eyes to put in a trance
While under dead stars and a whore of a moon
Just spread your legs open
Give in to temptation
No shadows to show where I’ve been
No hand to give justification
Only strings being pulled to complication

Who believes in me?
Who shall whisper sweet lullabies?
I will never truly be
Anything but dead until the final goodbyes
This war consumed
Bleeding is my second nature
Born to be doomed
I’m such a horrible creature
Picking scabs from the sutures

This life I will abandon
Too many scars to conceal
Like you and your dirty disco fashion
I’ve lost the concept of everything real
Are you deathly afraid?
Of what lurks around the corner
The darkness is on parade
I wish I could have met you sooner
Then the new scars would be much older

I’ll wash the dirt from your hair
I’ll give you a prayer
In the end you probably wont even care
Who is your true savior
Rip out all my organs
Put back in the gears
And look at the children with guns
Playing without any fears
Hope is nothing this world hears

I hear them
Deadly whispers in every word
A singing cancer in my brain stem
Am I falling victim to a demonic horde?
Violating the holy seal
I see their faces in every crowd
Am I just another victim to kill?
Please allow me to remove this black shroud
And rise above those dark clouds

I have no one to blame but myself
Your hate has given me the fuel
Face the pain and know yourself
As God’s putrid stool
The pendulum swings for us
Waiting for us to look pity
In the eyes and know thus
Even as my life has been shitty
The Devil’s work would be too dirty

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