Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Heart

Once, in a cold dark place
I was alone and hopeless
Ready to die without grace
My demons remained faceless
And like any good story
There was a girl
My insides ripped apart, so hungry
Her smile was of pearl
Put my mind in such a twirl

For ages I hated God
Blamed for everything wrong
On the floor of my room I did sob
Crying in cryptic song
I was spoon fed the words
Made to believe
In angels with holy swords
In demons that do deceive
A pity salvation I did not receive

Christ, where were you at?
Watching me die?
Like a slob in front of the TV getting fat
You made my life into a lie
Christ, when could you tell
The razor wasn’t enough?
Dripping crimson fluid to make me yell
Because the choices I made were tough
This path was made rough

Hollow be thy name
How about a prayer of sin?
Maybe a rise to fame?
To curse the lust of men
Time stood still
When she walked through the door
Came what will
I said goodbye to heart sore
And began to love like never before

The scars are cut deep
I look at them now
Where my depression did creep
All I can ask is how
Did I become so forgotten
From the eyes of Christ
The skin of sin begotten
My name scratched from Heaven’s list
To the pearly gates I raised my fist

Her touch like a cure
This is what kings craved
Away from societies lure
A new life that raved
Her voice a sign
To better days to come
Where depression had drawn the line
On the battlefield of a lost sum
My heart the raging war drum

I’ve been so blind
Killing myself over and again
No peace could I find
As a clown in the face of sin
I knew she wouldn’t say goodbye
Too much time holding hands
No truth behind the Devil’s lie
My fingers in the falling sand
The truth was in my hand

My cortex pounding with darkness
The needle is in my tongue
I’m bathing in pure blackness
The same oil in my lung
Stop and see the pain
We’re all laughing
It’s on my lips in vain
We’re all nothing
So now I’m running

Her body burned me like hot blood
Where would she take me?
But I slithered like dirty suds
This is what I saw in me
There were a lot of bullets and fear
Afraid to face the demon
Afraid to listen to the great seer
I was just another face in the semen
Just a lost soul to believe in

What the fuck is it to you?
Who I am or who I’ll be
I’m missing my third eye, you do
Realize I’m what human nature will be
When your kids die and burn
I’ll be standing tall
Now you will twist and turn
But I wont follow the fall
Now, my path goes over the wall

Humpty Dumpty sat on a spider
A spider in my mind’s maze
Climbing the endless ladder
And the doctor told me it was just a phase
A phase my ass
This is my fucking soul
Bred to murder a church mass
But I will deny the empty hole
That funny Humpty Dumpty the troll

The voices are a machine
A recording of the past
They argue over what love means
I’ll show them love at last
The machine needs oil
The oil of mutilation
Not the body but the mind to spoil
They’ve dealt with humiliation
Just more food for devastation

Baby, dry those eyes
My wings are healed
I’m coming home to lie
In the bed we’ve filled
This phoenix will soar
Above the crushing depression of disease
I’m rising from the floor
Holding you like a tease
Just tell me this is real, please

With the shock of humanity
I found a place in the graveyard
Just a few short comings of a calamity
God struck me down fast and hard
With depression showing as my true self
I found plenty of reasons to die
But I couldn’t listen to my other selves
With the razor down I would not try
I did, however, find myself questioning why

Why is the age old question
Beyond hate, beyond love, there is a deeper joy
Something that sent my mind into distortion
Was I nothing more than a demon’s toy?
Or was there something deeper inside
Just something to fuck with
So many memories of people who lied
Human decency became just a myth
A heavy heart too much to lift

But today I must confess
I loved her all along
Nothing more and nothing less
She made this freak feel like he belongs
Father, I will confess what’s wrong
My heart craves a new feeling
I want to hear her song
She gave me something worth believing
Holding my hand away from deceiving

You don’t know what it’s like to be
Something disturbed with calamity
Too tired to care and too dead to see
Is it just a matter of relativity?
Or are you giving me the spoon
To fill the children with doom?
After we all hear the boom
Will our death come soon?
Or will we be forever in bloom?

Hoping against hope
God gave me a piece
A reason to put away the rope
My life has a new lease
Through the pain and through the dark
God, give me a reason to face
I will put away all that is stark
But thank God she found me with haste
Once, in a cold dark place

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