DoppelGanger

Exit One:  The Unseen Elements

 

The moon shines red like blood.  Is it the end of the world?  Or just another holiday for God?  The children play so innocently.  But the parents look on so worried.  Their money is fading.  The nations are falling.  Yet they smile.  Smile for the love.

 

And the moon turned red

 

I am shallow with doubt.  Always writing.  Trying harder to impress.  But is God the only one who listens?  Does anyone even care?  The words are so strong. I am so weak.  My pen, the unpaid therapist.  My flesh just a vessel for what is wrong in this world.  Do you see it?  Do you see the pain in my eyes?

 

So Cold.  So alone.  So long.

 

My love.  My love.  She loves me too.  She has my name on her heart.  I have her heart in a box.  I keep it in my soul’s closet.  Right next to the skeletons.  And she has the key.  Twist.  Turn.  Unlock.  I love to taste her throat.

 

Kisses.  Kisses.

 

Sex.  Love it.  I want to be thrown around.  To know I’m trash.  Dirty.  Spanking with new found sin.  God, I love it.  Make me feel like a rotten bitch.  It’s my bed.  Eat.  Sleep.  Sex.  One and the same.  She loves to be on top.  Makes me feel alive again.

 

Juices flowing

 

Setting up the king to fall.  The queen can’t find her leash.  I’ve got the nine tails.  Do you want a piece?  And they couldn’t put him together.  To afraid of glue.  A new election inside a child will do.  Out with the old and in with the new.  Broken.  Beaten.  Crumbling down.  And they couldn’t put him together.

 

Magic in pain

Release the hounds

Hot with cold desire.  Wet the flesh so it knows it’s dry.  Painting with blood like an artist who sold his soul.  Painting with blood like an artist who sold his soul.  Do you want me to sign my name?  Do I even have a name?  Will you dance to the tune of death?  I have the lyrics if you’ve got the drums.  You can use my twisted spinal cord as a stick.

 

Bang.  Bang.  You’re dead.

 

Homeless in the mansion.  Wealthy in the streets.  I have a dollar.  You have the gun.  I can spell D.I.E.  You can sing to the smell of gun powder.  Mismatched under the stars.  I’m falling with you.  I’m falling with you.  I see the ground so rapidly.  Closer.  Closer.  The trigger has been pulled.  The bullet races.  Stop.  Shattered.  Broken.  Dead.

 

Whose laughing now

Not.  Not your mother

 

A child looks so happy.  Playing with friends.  Enjoying toys.  But innocence is lost.  Always.  A molester in the ball field.  A kidnapper in the bedroom.  Abuse in the family.  Lost innocence.  Always.  A toy becomes a weapon.  The safety is off.  Bang.  Bang.  Dead bodies everywhere.  The playground the battlefield.  Blood runs thick.  So thick.  Who is innocent here?  The child or the hand that raised them?

 

The Boogieman came

Wet sheets

Fear

 

I awake to a world long forgotten.  But who would want to remember.  Anyway.  A pill to get your feel.  You’ve got your hand on it.  Stroke.  No one knows the pain.  So it’s hard to release the fear.  Go.  Somewhere else.  Don’t look at me when I’m looking at myself.

 

Rip out your eyes

Rip them

Out

 

Our pope hats are getting heavy.  So many prayers inside our filthy heads.  No one will be happy.  Out come equals downfall.  Our own thoughts rusted with old spit and molded blood.  With mildew on our lips we get high on putting others down.  Our pope hats are getting heavy.  It’s a joy to tell the bitches their nothing more than toys.  Our satisfaction equals Grade A quality Denial.

 

Bitch

 

You want sex on a stick?  To lick.  You want to reach your highest peak at age twelve?  Molested and tested.  Abused.  Used.  Now you’re just the Devil’s whore on a Sunday Mass.  You want your sex to digest before the rest.  Always wanting.  Always giving.  Pleasure yourself in the bathroom stall just to get a glimpse of God.

 

Wipe away tears

You’ve got new fears

 

Little angel with mended wings.  So faithless in having faith.  Broken with the age of a thousand sinners.  Melted.  Frozen in fear.  You tried.  Tried harder.  Harder.  Harder.  Always failing.  Never going to amount to anything.  But don’t cry.  I’ll die.  A tear frozen in time.  Live another day.

 

Danger

Danger in the mind

 

We made it seem so real.  Fake smiles and terrible dresses.  The lights.  The shadows.  Left alone in the dark.  Hunting.  Wanting a thrill.  They look with the eyes of damnation.  Judging.  Abusing their God given will power.  Infants in brown paper bags.

 

Can’t find the way out

 

I sit by candlelight.  My life’s work spread out before me.  All nothing.  What do I have to show?  Forgotten images and bleeding words.  Who listens?  Who relates?  Alone.  So alone.  No one understands me.  Understands my pain.  I walk this path.  Alone.  Cold.  Dark.  Unforgiving.  I wish to be apart of something.  I want the world to hear my screams.

 

Cover your ears

I’m awake

 

Maybe God wants me to realize.  I believe He’s trying to show me something.  A light in the dark.  It’s blinding me with deaf waves of beautiful homeless obscurity.  Don’t you love it?  All the daggers from my back have been pulled out.   But I see you’ve got one in your hand.  Stand back. I’m a bomb.  Kaboom.  I’m not a violent person.  But I’ll make an exception just for you.  Just spit in another direction.  I’m tired of tasting your lies.

 

I’m a pipe bomb under the church

 

That flesh looks so sweet on you.  Your cinnamon is on fire.  Taste buds erased from your tongue.  But you wanted to taste it.  Suck.  Dry.  Make me scream.  Beg.  Give me the glory of Heaven any day.  I want to know I’m something.  But nothing.  Can’t function.  When your mouth is full of me.

 

Full of me

 

Another day.  Another night for the vampires to roam.  Shut up.  Listen.  Bite down on my neck and give me a reason to live.  You always wanted to see me bleed.  Here I am.  Ready for the dark embrace.  I know your just dying to love me.  Love me eternal.

 

My fangs are polished

Ready

 

The soil is rich with vomit.  We’ve all been giving a piece of disaster.  But mother nature is pissed.  We borrowed the car and scratched the new paint job.  Horrible.  Terrible.  Look at the way we treat the world.  We take better care of our drugs.  Swallow fast.  Swallow deep.  Soon you won’t even have water to take those pills with.  Dirty and ugly.  Just throw you needle away to feed the pain of a thousand dead black crows.  God have mercy.

 

The ink is running thin

Save me

 

It’s a kind of evil.  Simple.  Sinful.  Dreadful.  Yet pretty tasteful.  We’re all faceless.  We put more faith in our masks than we do our Father.  Would you kiss yourself even after knowing where your lips have been?  Evil.  Simple and dreadful.  Why do you think God gave us a shadow?  To remind us of our own oblivion.  Sinful and tasteful.  I know your smiling now.

 

Hate brings us closer

When we have tragedy in a box

 

Snap.  Crackle.  Gunshot.  I’ve fought so long and I’ve got the burning flag to prove it.  My own personal disease.  Sinits I’ll call it.  I saw the path to walk on.  But instead I slept the journey away.  Sex.  Pills.  Poetry.  I live to see what God will throw at me next.  Why?  Because I love Him and sometimes love hurts.

 

She said, “Love doesn’t hurt.”

I just sit there in silence

Don’t want to remember

Silence

The best poetry

 

My words condemn me to a fate unseen.  I must raise the demons to see the light.  I won’t know bliss until I’ve felt suffering.  For so long.  But I love her like no other.  I pray to a God I once denounced.  Am I wrong to believe?  But there’s a thought in my head.  I’m more than the sum of all my parts.  More Human.  Than Human.

 

A prayer of hope

A gun for prosperity

I’ve got the shovel

If you’ve got the grave

 

I remember a girl.  A friend.  Once.  She was the vampire of my dreams.  Long dark hair.  A lust for purity through pain.  But she wanted more as I wanted less.  She wanted to feel.  I just wanted to talk.  Her name was Lilith.  She was my friend.  Once.  Now she lives in a world I don’t want to touch.  A prayer to cool her hot blood.  God bless.

 

No more

Never more

 

Is this a poem or a journal of thoughts and prayers?  I’m beginning to lose sight.  I write these dark words to warn others of my path.  To one day remember who I once was.  To express.  To conform.  Transfigured.  To exorcise demons so that one day there will be new ones.  To defile the paper.  To uplift the spirits.  To feel alive.  To know.

Know

Who I once was

 

Ghosts haunting the past.  I see them.  Clearly.  Smoking behind the brick wall.  Pressing rotting flesh against my cold lips.  How long will they haunt me?  Can’t escape.  I close my eyes.  Visualize.  They’re there.  I want to run.  But every corner I turn is the corner just passed.

 

Hollow ground

For hollow souls

 

An impurity bleeds from my skin.  My heart strains to pump.  Maybe it just doesn’t care anymore.  Anymore.  My heart grows cold.  Turning gray.  Lack of blood.  Lack of motion.  Please, give me life.  Feed me more blood so that I may live forever.

 

I stopped believing in forever

But she made me believe again

 

Everyday.  Everyday without her I cry and I beg God to just let me behold and see.  Everyday.  Everyday without her I just want to shrivel up into a pitiful ball and never come out.  Everyday.  Everyday without her is a day not worth living.  She gives me all the time she can.  But there is not enough time in the world.  Everyday.  Everyday is not enough.

 

For our future

For our world

 

Am I not a man?  Do I not bleed?  My sins feeding the temptation buried inside of me.  I lust.  Driving me away from the crucifix.  Raging chemicals implanted by the powers that be.  I just want to feel.  To lick.  To taste.  Lust.  I want to know I’m human.  Give it to me.  Make me bleed inside.  Make.  Me.  Feel.

 

Dirty

A sinful dirty

Repent

And know thy self

 

She touches my skin.  My brain bleeds with awful memories.  The past creeps up like an old lover of revenge.  But she reminds me.  Reminds me of the life I live now.  I fought my way out of the brown paper bag.  I think I liked it better inside.  Where the demons did lie.

 

The source

Unseen

 

I remember.  I once wanted to be like all of you.  But I’m not.  Listen to these words and know.  I’m more than an outcast.  I’m more than a freak of nature.  Something more.  I remember.  I didn’t want to be me.  I gave in to the dark thoughts with even darker deeds.  And the darkness led me here to you.  Will you thank God now?

 

Sick of desire

Put me in the fire

 

I see the pretty faces.  Walking around so blind.  They denied the very God who gave them beauty.  But I see.  Shallow.  False hopes in a world already damned.  Well damn them.  Fuck them.  Let them see the world through the eyes of a true sinner.

 

Father, I am a sinner

Forgive me

Rape me

Of all that puts me down

 

My wings are burning.  My wings are burning.  Cleansing.  Taking away old pains to give me new ones.  Let me feel it.  Feel it.  God has given me the strength to survive.  Strength.  Go on.  Kiss me and I’ll give you a reason to live.  Touch me with your needles and I’ll live to tell the tale.  Deny me.  And I’ll walk into the shadows.  Forgive me.

 

My wings are burning

 

She’s living a lie.  She’s trying too hard to be something she’s not.  Wanting to feel alive.  Wanting to believe in a new God.  Sex.  A comfort greater than Faith.  She loves the feeling of being filled.  Sinner.  Dirty sinner.  Will she be saved or fall into the hands of hell?

 

Won’t listen

To me

 

I’m not awake.  I’m just lying here to please you.  Doormat.  I’m too afraid.  Conflict.  Confrontation.  I don’t want to hear them laugh.  Yell.  Cry.  So just pass me by or close the door.  You’re not worth me waking.  So goodnight.  Maybe I’ll meet you again.  Someday.

 

Disorder

 

Humanity.  Something overlooked and over burdened.  We never stop to sit back and look anymore.  No.  We’re too busy trying to reach the top and look good doing it.  We never give praise.  Give praise.  Always killing the middleman just to get a taste of kingdom.  Well.  No.  More.  Sit back.  Listen.  Open your fucking eyes.  See like you’ve never seen before.  Through the eyes of a child whose about to die.  Can you still see your humanity then?

 

Wash away our sins

Look before you cross the road

 

My humanity has risen yet still falling.  Falling down the spiral.  Twisting.  I’m searching for a new path.  A road less traveled.  Will you be on the other side?  Waiting.  Praying.  My humanity has fallen yet still rising.  Down the upward battle.  Down.  Down.  Humanity in a bottle.  Would you drink it like the newest fashion?  With such passion.   But.  Empty.

 

Sustain me

Break me

I will retain thee

 

I am forever yours

Exit Two:  The Frailty

 

She’s crying in her car.  I told the truth.  Truth that hurts.  I can hear her crying in her car.  I did this to her.  Did this so I could be free.  Gone unforgiven.  A heart broken.  A relationship dead.  Tears drip onto the phone.  Her red cheeks grow moist with on coming depression.  I did this.  I did this.  I was the devil in the night.  I’m sorry.  Yet I go unforgiven. 

 

Turn Around

Face Me

Know

 

You run away because I’m different.  I’m the needle in the eye.  I’m the prayer you won’t speak.  Why do you run away?  Is it so different from your world?  I’m no the cancer.  I’m not the freak.  U. R.  Release me from this prison.  Give me a better reason to live.  Make you see.

 

Will You Catch Me

If I Fall

Doom

 

I’m full of doubt when I remember.  They know me for something I wasn’t.  Let me live through your dreams.  Through your dreams.  Let me see through you eyes.  Through your eyes.  Don’t you know this game?  It’s called respect.

 

Crushing My Spine

 

The Sandman reaches for my throat.  Pulling me down into sleep’s abyss.  Sleep.  Is all I need.  Sleep.  Is all there will ever be.  Pulling me down.  I want to escape it all.  This disorder reshapes my humanity.  The cold embrace of a night’s slumber.  Don’t bother trying to awake.  I’m already past the waking point.

 

The World Drifts Away

 

It rises like a cancer.  Sweeping me away into eternal rest.  Death.  And night’s embrace.  Cascading the world with dreams.  I can’t see.  I can’t see.  Made me believe it’s real.  It’s not.  It just keeps tormenting me.  Tormenting.  This nightmare has become my world.

 

Faded

 

Two dead.  Would you dare try again?  Came so close.  Mother.  Father.  But it was never meant to be.  One by me.  The children gone but not forgotten.  One by one.  Would she dare have another?  I could feel her tears washing my soul down with a ton of sorrow filled bricks.  Does she pray in the night?  Did she cry to God asking why?  Never know.  But would she dare have another?

 

Gone But Not Forgotten

 

Look.  Here.  Now.  The child is having a child.  So young and now so much older.  Pregnant by 13.  Lucky 13.  Was it a mistake?  Does she even want it?  Abortion is in the eye.  A crime of man or a crime against nature?  Who has the right to judge?  Will abortion speak the truth?  Is there any truth to be given?  Except the truth of now.  The truth of reality.  A child gives life to a child.

 

The Playground

Just Another Nursery

 

I ponder upon the thoughts of my existence.  What kind of life.  Is this?  I don’t know who I am or what I’ll do.  I just know I need you.  What more does life have.  To give?  I’m used.  Broken.  Tired.  And it’s just begun.  Why was I put on this Earth?  To cry.  To beg.  To lie in the mud wishing with elapsed hope.  I’m just a broken shell of a man.  Yet I go on.

 

Hoping for Hope

 

I feel my dirty hands.  So dirty.  Stained with blood and the dirt of a society gone wrong.  So wrong.  Will God save us?  Will Christ come down on his white horse and purify the world?  So dirty.  We are.  Cleanse the world of all sin.  We’re just going to die anyhow.  But who even cares.  So busy.  So wrong.

 

Die.  Anyhow.

 

Dreaming awake.  Endless sleep.  The visions come and go.  I feel it burning inside me.  A poet’s soul runs thick.  Burning.  The endless sleep.  Disturbs my soul.  Too much sleep.  Bad.  Very bad.  The Sandman now my cousin.  I married into the family.  My dreams leave me questioning.  Asking.  Will God be there to guide me?  Or am I truly lost from the flock?

 

Bad

Very Bad

 

Have I fallen from grace?  I chose this dark path.  But I cant remember why.  I chose to walk this way.  The path of abandonment.  But I wish to be found.  To be taken away.  Safe.  Comfort.  In my time of need I fail to see the purpose.  In my life.  Why am I here?  What am I doing?  Tell me I’m alive.  Tell me I’m something.  I don’t want to be nothing anymore.

 

Anymore

Not Anymore

 

They’re in the shadows. I can’t see them but I know they’re there.  Watching us with cold dead eyes.  Peaceful?  Maybe.  Haunting.  Filling us with fright.  Sometimes we see them.  Most times we don’t.  I don’t want to see.  I don’t want to know.  I’m better off that way.  Their being is fragile and lost.  I don’t want to see them.  I don’t want to know.  Just leave me alone.

 

Ghosts In My Room

 

Feeling despair.  Feeling lost.  Doesn’t keep me down.  Don’t hold me down.  Been there.  Lost all feeling.  Got it back.  Clawing.  Fighting.  Killing myself for just one taste.  Killing myself for just one touch.  Just killing myself.   Killing myself.  Never will I look again.  Again.  Doesn’t keep me down.

 

Feeling Something New

 

I will give my blood.  Sacrifice.  I will give my everything.  Make me feel alive.  I want to get closer.  Yet I feel so far away.  I want to know your touch.  Yet I feel hurt.  Sacrifice me.  Sacrifice my pain.  How do you look at me?  Am I still the monster in the nightmare?  Or am I something more?  Forgive me.

 

I Hope I’m Something More

Than What You Imagined

 

Torture.  I want these needles.  Out of my eyes.  I want to live.  Without the help of medications.  The beast inside grows.  I want the spoon out from under my tongue.  I will stop feeding you my spirit.  Just let me live.  I’m the pumpkin for your carving.  Let me be free.  Let me see.

 

Let Me See

What’s Inside Your Head

I’m Not Afraid

 

Crying on the bedroom floor.  Wanting God to give her back.  All I wanted.  Was to touch her once more.  Her voice over the phone.  Torture.  I wanted to stab my heart out.  I didn’t want to love anymore.  Crying on the bedroom floor.  Praying to God.  Begging for forgiveness.  I said I was sorry.  I said I was fucking sorry!  Let it all.  Go.  I had to let her go.

 

Eradicated

Erased

 

Her flesh tastes so sweet.  To be in love is to live.  The sex.  Makes me feel whole.  Feel a lot.  Her soft skin.  Her silky hair.  Her wet lips.  I want to hold her.  Squeeze her.  Touch every inch.  Lick every inch.  She is Heaven in my mind.  She is my world.  May God protect her.  Even from me.

 

The Life in Her Breasts

Suck

 

The road passes by.  It’s dark out.  So dark.  The signs in life pass me by.  Too fast.  Can’t stop and read.  Maybe I just don’t want to.  The world stops to fade.  Fade away from my sight.  I can’t bare to see.  Not anymore.  The highway of my life is full of pot holes.  A constant uphill drive.  But I keep driving until I reach the red light.  Maybe then I’ll stop to read the signs.

 

Stop and Go

Flow

 

Escape.  Vacation isn’t the word.  I need time to think.  Maybe not enough time acting.  Too much down time.  Time is the enemy.  The enemy is within ourselves.  The enemy is within everything around us.  Is it in our hands?  Maybe highly concealed in our clocks and watches.  Buy.  Time.  Never enough time.  Never enough time to think things through.  Time to act.

 

Act

 

The loose stitch in space.  Uncontrollable.  Undeniable.  Beauty in the eye.  Behold the needle that binds our fate together.  The fate of all our problems.  Gone.  Dead.  Destroyed.  This is the end of everything.  Because everything will end.  Stop functioning.  Game over.  All things end.  Today.  Tomorrow.  We’re all buried under the weight of our own helplessness.  Ignorance is bliss.

 

Justify The End

The End of All Things

 

I remember.  I see the scars.  Cut with knives.  Made a marriage with despair.  Cut.  Faster.  Deeper.  Cut.  Bleeding now.  God.  What do I do with the blood?  It flows.  So red.  So warm.  Flesh severed for pleasure.  Yes.  I remember.  I remember it well.  I can see it in my scars.  Cuts made clean.  Leaving behind many scars for me to remember.  And I remember a lot.

 

Freshly Made

Just to Torment Myself

 

They want suicide on a plate.  Lifeless Eternal.  Always damnation.  Bleeding their golden skin.  Reliving every dark moment.  They crave death.  The Gothic.  The misunderstood.  Maybe they misunderstand themselves.  Alive in torment.  Deadly games.  Deadly.  Games.

 

Play

Play Along

 

Who are you to judge me?  You can look at my kind.  But I’m different.  I’m nothing like you.  And I.  Never Will.  You want to condemn me.  But I know better.  I know how to survive.  To survive.  You may throw stones but I got my flesh.  Shielded.  Protected from your evil.  Don’t try and do me a favor by saving me.  I can find salvation myself.

 

I Don’t Need Your Games

I Have My Own

 

I see the duality of man.  Maybe even of God.  But I see it in myself.  A man of contradictions.  I am.  There is an evil in all of us.  In myself.  I see the scars my evil has left behind.  I look in the mirror and the mirror looks back.  Cold stare.  Empty eyes.  Bu the mirror would crack.  If I could only see myself.

 

Lie Down

Take It In

 

Like a vampire I feed.  Feed on all the darkness in your soul.  I must take it in.  Make it my own.  Then maybe you can be saved.  Give me time.  I’ll give you life.  So is my curse.  Because I can’t even save myself.  Take it in.  The poison.  It will be my gift to you.  To make you whole again.

 

The Darkness

Rises

 

Fierce.  Deadly.  Striking fear into my mind.  I’m so high in the air.  Can’t fall.  I don’t want to die.  The paranoia is there.  My own private little demon.  The paranoia.  Cursing me.  Making me see how frail I really am.  From frailty to duality.  The darkness in my mind.  I can’t fun from myself.  I can’t see through this mask.  Help me see.  Help me open my eyes.

 

Open.  Close

Close.  Open

 

I can’t let them win.  I will not fail.  Again.  She means everything to me.  I will not see her go.  My sword drawn high.  To the sky.  I will fight to keep this real. I will not let them win.  I’m too strong for this.  For these games.  Come and play under my rules.

 

The Breaking Point

Is Now

 

If I fall.  You’re going to fall with me.  If I die.  You will die with me.  I’m on the ground.  You’re standing over me like a dark shadow.  When I fell.  You did not fall with me.  I crawled.  I climbed.  I made my way back to your level just so I could fall again.

 

The Cycle Will Not Stop

For Me

For You

For Anyone

 

The emptiness.  It fills.  See the error?  What is inside a human lies within me.  Yet I don’t feel the same.  Am I damned?  Let me live on.  An eternity in Hell just to hold her.  Don’t forget me.  I won’t forget you.  Even in Death.  I will not forget you.

 

Even In Death

 

People cry when Death is near.  They always want more time.  More time to forgive.  More time to pray.  To hold.  To cherish.  But it’s going to go soon.  Death is near.  Smell it in the air.  Know it’s fucking real.  Because it will be the end of reality.

 

So Close.  So Alone

Death

 

So many words close in on my soul.  Can I truly write them all?  The flood gate is open.  The pain is real.  So very fucking real.  Let loose.  It’s therapy they said.  So I write.  Because it’s real.  Because sometimes maybe I’m not real.  Closing in.  I could never express it all.  Every.  Day.  Nothing feels the same.  So I’ll let you in.  Let you see the world through my eyes.  Are you afraid now?  Now that the words are closing in.

 

Drop.  Dead

I Want to Taste

Your Soul

 

A child within.  A child long lost.  Whose to blame?  When I’m around her I want to be something more.  Yet I’m nothing.  Something I always wanted to have.  To be.  Fading and slipping.  I wanted to give her more.  She deserves so much more.  Yet I am the child.  Always lost.  Long.  Long.  Ago.

 

Simplistic

 

Cold stares.  You look because I’m different.  Those judging eyes.  Why can’t I be the saint in your eyes.  Instead.  I’m the devil in black clothing.  I’m bad.  I’m bad.  Just because I’m not in your world.  Just because I don’t want to conform?  Try deform.  You’re afraid.  You don’t understand.  And you never will.

 

You Stare At Me

Try Staring At Yourself

Scared Yet?

 

We’re all hiding.  Some skeleton.  Some secret.  Maybe even from ourselves.  Do you know?  The cancer.  The disease.  It’s killing you.  It’s killing all those around you.  The ones you love.  Well.  It kills them too.  So you are.  Dying to know.  What is it that you hide?  What darkness did God implant.

 

Bringer In The Night

A Thief

To Steal Your Unholy Soul

 

Through glass tears broken on the hard ground.  I survived.  Through a broken heart only to be mended by love once more.  I survived.  Through humiliation and evil words whispered behind my back.  I survived.  With Hell right outside the door and Heaven light years away.  I survived.  Having Devil printed on my forehead and turned away by my closest friend.  I survived.  All these things and more and I survived.  I did.  And so can you.

 

The Better of Two Evils

Forsaken Yet Not Beaten

Look On

For I Am Here

To Hold Your Hand

Eternal

Epilogue

 

Prisoners of the flesh.  Trapped inside.  Slaves without a cause.  To die for a world that never gave a shit.  Wasteful years inside our puny little box.  You call it freedom.  There is no freedom.  You will die.  Die as you are now.  A waste of flesh.  Wasting the world’s time.  Shit our lives away.

 

Encased with Fear

Develop

A Reason To Go On

 

I can’t speak.  I can’t fight.  The outside makes me afraid.  So I hide.  Wasted away in this shell.  I’m so afraid of them.  I’m such a doormat.  Let them run my life for me.  So afraid of confrontation.  I don’t want to fight.  I can’t justify my feelings to anyone.  Anyone.  I can’t even justify myself for living.

 

Hide Away

A Dark Place

A Safe Place

 

The roots are planted deep.  And the roots are evil.  Greed.  Lust.  Hunger for power.  It’s the fall of man and it’s all on the TV.  Loving for money.  Hungry for more.  Come and get a taste of the real world.  The underworld.  Into the belly of the beast.  It’s just going to shit us out its mouth and we’ll never blame ourselves.

 

Point The Finger

And Laugh

 

Who am I to be?  Am I the man I think I am or just a Doppelganger?  I hear them crying in my head.  I see the world as it dissolves.  But who will be here to save me.  Save me.  Save me God.  I see the doubles.  Everyone has one.  Everybody just shows a piece of something they’re not.  But want to be.  Hiding behind a mask.  Your own Doppelganger.

 

This is Not Me

This Is Not

Who I Really Am

 

Bleed for me.  Bitch.  Whore.  Bleed for the rest of eternity.  I want to taste you in my mouth but I’m repelled by the smell.  Rotting out the inside.  The world is a whore for us to fuck.  Spread open and ready to bleed.  A virgin who never stops.  A virgin who never breaks.

 

Bruised With No Dignity

Fuck

You

 

You live your lives unafraid of what’s around you.  You’re blind to a world that’s going to eat.  You.  Whole.  You just don’t want to know.  You don’t want to see it.  See it for what it really is.  A reality that should make you afraid.  A reality that should have you scared.  But you’re not.  So I’m afraid of you.

 

Look!

Too Late

You’re Already Dead

 

We’re always shedding our skin.  We want to be something we’re not.  Why?  No one is happy with themselves.  No one wants to see themselves for who they really are.  Are you scared yet?  Are you really alive and awake?  No.  You don’t want it.  You don’t want to see.  Damn you.  You’re only hurting yourself.  And I.  Fall victim to my own words.

 

Visions Come and Go

Away Today

You’ll See Me Again

 

We’re all just machines.  Organs made into gears.  Working parts.  Unlawful sin.  We are the machines of God.  Mechanical disaster.  Just another virus waiting to spread.  Spread into our oil filled veins.  Organs crushed.  Hopes digital.  We are the machine.

 

Turn Around

I’m Standing There

 

I’m just the shadow of a higher power.  Am I living up to your desires?  In the shadows I lie.  Buried and rising.  Waiting for a time to awaken.  Am I there because you put me there?  Your desires function as my axe.  Cutting and slicing.  Through the still burning ashes of our world.

 

The Light of The World

Forever Damned

 

The sky is red.  For blood.  The sky is yellow.  For fear.  The sky is black.  For hopelessness.  The sky is bleeding our fear from our own hopelessness.  Burn it down!  Burn it down!  The sky must fall tonight.  The sky.  Must.  Fall.  So that our future may become one with the past.  The sky is on fire.  For our desires.

 

Blood On The Ground

Blood On Our Hands

 

Victims.  Victims.  Victims everywhere.  No one goes without violation.  In fear we finally see with our third eye.  To know doom is near.  To see our own death before us.  Will you accept it?  Or will you beg for more life?  Coward.  Degenerate.  Faithless desires in pretty shinny things.  Do you feel your life slipping away?

 

Crawling.  Falling

Do You See The River

Of Death

 

You don’t give a shit.  You just don’t care.  You can’t see past yourself.  It’s all about your fucking drama.  Fucking.  Drama.  You will never see past your own little life.  It’s all one big fucking lie that you believe.  Why wont you see past the drama?  Just look beyond yourself.

 

Dramatic

 

I look in the mirror and I don’t want to look again.  Not a pretty face.  I’m too stupid to live like a hero.  I look in the mirror and I don’t want to look again.  Too much or just too less?  There’s something different today to behold.  Maybe I finally.  Grew.  Up.

 

Another Hollow Image

 

He tried to take too many pills.  Wanted to escape the pain.  Killers.  But it wasn’t enough to stop.  Heart.  She loved to kiss other girls.  So daddy locked her up.  Maybe daddy was afraid of sin?  See a man afraid of his anger.  Can’t control the rage within.  Many here.  All within a group.  Maybe I made them feel better.

 

Saw Them All

In The Inside

 

Sometimes I just wish I never knew.  Knew who I was.  I wish I didn’t have a soul to judge.  Or a body to die.  I wish I didn’t have to look at the world and know it’s doom.  I wish I didn’t have to wake up to a day that ends.  Why did God even put me here with these thoughts?  I could do without but yet I’m living here.  Living.  Here.

 

Why Am I Even Here?

 

Depression.  The Dark King.  Once my master.  Now my slave.  Love.  The master of my heart.  I’m the slave now.  Depression.  Did it open or close my eyes?  Could I see the world around me through tears?  Did the pain make my hollowed screams justified?  Love.  I did it all for her.  I do it because of her.  Love.  Could it be that one day I’ll master my feelings?  How long will I live to see her face shinning under the stars?  Depression.  Love.  They go together quite nicely.

 

I’m Your Boogie Man

In the Night

BOO!

 

Today I woke up and looked in the mirror without.  Guilt or shame.  Today.  I looked in the mirror and saw a person and not a shell of a man.  Alive.  Awakened.  Reborn.  I am the Phoenix with new golden crisped still burning wings.  I have let you into my world.  Let you see my thoughts.  And today.  I looked the Doppelganger in the eyes and smiled.  Today. Was not the first day.  Today.  Was not the last day.  But today.  Is a new day.  So when I looked the doppelganger in the eyes all I could do was smile.  For now my diary of thoughts would close to another new day.  And that made me smile.

 

For Now

Doppelganger

It’s Time

To End